I hate being a writer. I know I am not the first person to admit to this, but I think I should explain where this hate comes from.
I have already explained that writing is like a bloodbath. One minute, I am just sitting there looking at a blank word document. The next minute that I can say I am conscious of, there are two hundred pages in a document written. There are about twenty-fours empty cans of coke Zero scattered at my feet. Yoda has that smug look on his face. On my left are about a dozen or so wrappers of various things I must have consumed, yet I have no recollection of eating them or even buying them. Did I leave the house? I can’t say that I know for sure. It is three days later and I haven’t showered. My cat is even put off by me.
Does this sound like fun? Is this something anyone in his or her right mind would want to sign up for? I know that all writers aren’t like this. Some writers hold down jobs and commit only a few hours a day to their latest creative endeavors.
I am not like that.
I wish I could be someone who goes to work and when I come home, my job is just waiting back at the office. I want to clock in and out. I want to have a time sheet and only work a certain amount of hours a week.
But writing for me isn’t like that. I get woken up at 2am (it is always 2am and I have a theory on why…but not for this blog) and I can’t go back to sleep. My characters are dancing around telling me what comes next. Sometimes I don’t even get to sleep at all.
This isn’t fun or pretty. I hate being a writer because sometimes I can’t get it to stop. I can’t turn off my mind. I am not sitting at my beachfront house, looking at my computer and writing my “little stories” as the tide ebbs and flows.
I hate being a writer because sometimes I don’t want to write. How long has it been since I have updated this blog on a regular basis? So, because of all of that procrastination, I get to suffer the wrath of my creative self. I don’t get to sleep anymore. My stories have piled up and like that full cup of water, they are all running out.
I hate being a writer because I have no choice. Everyone else gets to choose his or her career, yet why can’t I? No, I can’t go out and play today because I have to sit down and write. If I don’t write, I will just have to pay for it later.
I hate being a writer because no one but another writer can fully understand what this is like. There is no glamour in this job. It isn’t all book signing and wine parties. We writers don’t all sit around discussing latest trends in the book business. Most of our time is spent with our characters and if we are lucky maybe a pet. The time we spend with people verses the time we spend writing is never equal. It is lonely being a writer.
That’s why I hate being a writer.