I haven’t been writing my writing blogs on here. I know how annoyed you are with me. But I really do blame teaching. I am working really hard trying to get my students the best education while every month I battle an unknown sickness.
I mean my doctor just keeps telling me I am sick. I don’t get medicine or anything; I just get a doctor’s note and orders to rest.
Today I got another rejection letter. If you look at my whole attempts to get published, it is really less then ten times. Yet each rejection letter keeps pulling me further and further away from trying again.
Don’t worry, I know all the lies aspiring authors tell themselves at times like this.
It takes a story at least twenty tries until it finds a home.
That story just wasn’t right for the magazine.
The person who read it had her period (oh wait, that is just the one I use. It’s not effective at all and I am sure not even close to the truth, but I still give myself a bit of a chuckle when I say it to myself).
It’s just really frustrating because I don’t have much of a writing ego. I certainly do not think I am great at it.
Perhaps that is my downfall.
Maybe I need to stop being so passive when I send my work in. Maybe I need to be more like, “hey, this piece is AWESOME and your magazine will die of lack of style and wit if you don’t publish it…now….right now.”
Being a writer is about having a tough skin and just believing in your own writing.
I don’t have either of these things.
I just know that I am most happy when I am writing. I love making a story happen. I think it is a miracle to watch a story take shape and form right in front of you.
So then my problem becomes more of an “is this what I should be doing” then “this is what I am going to do”.
I don’t like to use the word gifted; but I think I have to use it. I take for granted my ablitity to write. I pretend that it isn’t such a big deal to write a story and make someone else feel an emotion just from looking at words on a paper.
Writing is such a powerful and personal thing and my fear is that I am not giving myself completely to writing. For that train of thinking, I am rewarded with rejection letter after rejection letter.
What do I do then? Do I continue to keep trucking along or do I cash it all in?