Well, I have good news and bad news. What would you like first? You want the bad news first? Okay, well, I didn’t write four essays yesterday. I know you are disappointed in me, but wait until you hear the good news. I reworked my Barbie story until I couldn’t see anything but Pepto-Bismol pink and I even sent it out to a magazine. I am sure it will get rejected. I guess I am in that mood today. You know the one where everyone hates you and you should go eat worms (Man, I loved the Kids in the Hall).
I think that maybe I am forcing myself way too much and because of that I am letting myself down. It is like I am giving myself impossible goals and then when I don’t meet my totally out of reach goal, it adds more fuel to my negativity. Let’s look at the good stuff I did yesterday. I reworked my story and sent it out. It has been like what a good two months since I have tried to put anything out there? Also, I did write one essay yesterday. I could have just packed it in after the Barbie one was done, but I stuck with it and wrote something else.
Here is the real reason I am pushing myself so hard. Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that on October 18th, Philadelphia Stories is having their second annual writing conference. There will be so many people who can open so many opportunities that I just want to have something in hand to show them. Also, I am opening the open mic portion of the day and I just want something great and wonderful and fresh to read. Maybe if I read the coolest thing in the planet an agent might be like, “Yeah…send me your stuff” or maybe an editor from a publication could be like, “That was hilarious. We need to publish that now. Send it to me”.
I was so dumb because last year when I was there (I was the girl with the red plaid heels) I didn’t bring anything with me. Here were all these editors and I was just sitting there looking at my empty hands. Talk about someone missing a golden opportunity! As I look back, maybe I wasn’t fully developed into the artist I want to be and maybe that was why it was so difficult for me to walk up to someone with my story and say, “Is this crap”. But the again, I am a writer and I can twist anything to make it into a positive light.
This year will be different for me. I refuse to let opportunities smack me in the face and just roll over and take it. I want to be armed with something great. So, here it is, roughly twenty-ones day until the event and I seriously want to be in my second draft of a great book. I gave up teaching to become a writer, not this pile of coke zero, blood, and bones that I am now. I just want my former students to know, again, I didn’t become a looser…I became a writer.
Come on Yoda, help me out!