So yesterday, I was totally pumped after making the decision to venture into the world of memoir writing. I started writing an introduction to the book that will become the memories of my parents. I won’t lie to you; this memoir writing is not as easy as you would think. How hard could it be to just sit down and recall memories and write them down? Well, when they are memories of dead people, it is difficult to hold back the tears.
Then I start thinking, am I doing the one thing I warn everyone else not to do? Am I using my life to gain some notoriety? Am I really ready for people to look at my memories and judge them?
Honestly, I am not. I had a tough life, but who hasn’t? I don’t really think I am so special that I should be putting my memories out there yet. I do want to write them all down before I start to really loose the little memory I have of my parents. What if some day my nephew comes to me wanting to know a story about his grand mom or grand pop and all I can remember are the facts? What if someday I have a child and he or she asks me the same question? Facts do not explain a person; they only detail what happened.
Although it never happened often, story time was always a very precious time for me. I would listen to anyone tell me stories about my dad. So what if they involved him peeing in a dresser draw because he was too tired to understand he wasn’t in the bathroom? He died when I was nine and I only have a handful of memories. Stealing someone else’s memory of him seemed like the only logical next step for me.
I am not ready for the world to see my parents. I am not too sure if I am even ready to take a walk into the past and say hello. I was crying while I was writing the introduction; I can’t even imagine what tapping into those long suppressed memories will do to me.
I will write them down. It has always been in the back of my mind to do it and in a small way, I have taken the first step. I don’t have the strength to do it all at once. The world can’t make enough tissues for that to happen.
I will continue to write the memories one at a time. Also, I am starting to work on really writing down my strange observations. Last night I wrote, what I thought was, a hilarious piece on the break-up of the century (Barbie and Ken). I will use this week to really polish it up the best I can and then I am sending it off. A rejection letter is imminent.