The first rejection letter in this batch, I am not too surprised about because I just once again threw out my novel without really preparing it. I always think that everything is a sign, so I think if I am on line and I see this great publisher or magazine, then I should rush my stuff out to them. But, the reality is that although it may in fact be a sign of something I should do, I should send things when they are ready and not just throw stuff out into the world. I misread signs all the time.
So, when my novel got rejected, it was a form letter and I didn’t get upset about it. There was no nice comments or anything, just hey we are passing on your novel. But again, I am fine with it because I knew going in I didn’t put my best finished work forward.
The other rejection letter was a blow to my ego. I really felt that this one was going to work out. Every time I thought about it, I kept thinking that this piece was going to make it. However, I started really thinking about that piece and I think my intentions for writing the piece were a bit skewed. I wrote it as a letter and it was a real letter to a real person. I was apologizing for things that have happened to me and I think that maybe I am not supposed to apologize for those things anymore. Also, I had it in my head that they would finally be proud of me. They would read it and want to come and talk to me again. These are all silly reasons for writing something. Did I really think this person would be proud of me? Was I really that naive to think they would read it and want to talk to me? I can almost guarantee they wouldn’t even read it. I could have probably staple it to their forehead and they still wouldn’t read it..
So, here are a few truths I am trying to learn. The first is, you can’t predict anything. You must go into everything with an honest and open heart. Secondly, we aren’t mind readers. I don’t know why this person ignores me…maybe they do hate me and maybe they don’t. All I have is their actions and their actions show me I am not important to them. I have to learn that not everything we say or do will work out just because we feel it should work out. Lastly, I have to be completely true to myself. When I write, it has to be pure and a true representation of me. I can’t write to make people proud of me, or so they will talk to me, or anything like that. I have to tell my stories with my voice. I have to write from me because that is what separates me from everyone else out there.
Sure, I wish I did get that story published. But as I think about it, I am glad it didn’t get picked up. Maybe I am wrong and that person would have read it and got even more mad at me. Maybe they would wonder why I am still trying to say I am sorry. At the end of the day, things happen for a reason (yes still a believer in signs) and who am I to question the reasons? I just need to learn I can only write for me and I need to put what I think is my best work out there.